dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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