Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
