Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
