Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
