I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
