his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
