Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
