She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize