no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
