I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
