the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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