my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
