It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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