Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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