there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
