after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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