Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
