You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
