Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
