Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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