I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize