Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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