Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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