Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
