Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
