I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
