I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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