You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
