How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize