I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
