well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
