my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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