I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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