The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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