your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
