I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he thought i was a dude.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
