So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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