But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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