Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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