I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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