I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
