Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
