I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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