Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
