Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
