he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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