I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
