You can't special order awesome
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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