There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
