i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
