I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
