I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
