then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
