I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
