your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
