Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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