A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
