We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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