If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
