Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize