I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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