I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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