Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
