Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
