He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
