she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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