We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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