I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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