Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
