You're completely useless in the revolution.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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