She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
