Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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