Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
