The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
