It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
